Wednesday, November 14, 2012

The Big 'O'


The energy is always high; excitement courses through our veins, and booze flows continuously like poll numbers- this is why I turned the last couple elections into date nights. 

The 2008 date was awesome; I was still living in Canada, watching my country elect its first black president, and old Vietnam vets were buying everyone at the bar drinks. Obviously, that shared passion and whiskey translated into sex that only neighbors could get annoyed by. The 2012 date was much like the election; less present, more begrudging, and uninterested.

The voter turnout for this election was 57.5%; the lowest since 2000. Date 2012 was 100% the most bored out of anyone near him watching the election, and easily in the top 10% most bored dates in the country. The most commonly cited speculations for lack of voter turnout in 2012 revolve around the long lines, difficult process, and the oft-subjective mandate of "valid state ID" cards.
Date 2012 and I waited in line for half an hour to get a drink at this election party I invited him to, and only one of us got IDed. But I couldn't blame his lack of interest on the lines, or the packed bar; date 2012 just didn't vote.

"Why not?" I tried to ask as nice as possible, dodging another hoard of excited white people.

He shrugged. "I don't know, I just...don't care, I guess."

I stared at him for a second, then glanced around the room to see if there were any other cute guys in the vicinity. "Why don't you care?"

"Because...it just seems like we're switching hands; like there's no big difference from one politician to the next. It's still basically the same people in power. And it doesn't seem like it'll really affect me one way or the other."

His black v-neck fit wonderfully, and his face was dusted with the perfect amount of facial hair, so I tried to keep my tone sweet. "Okay. Let's say, you get some girl pregnant, and abortion is no longer legal. Don't you think that would affect you?"

He thought about it. "Yeah..." He gets quiet again, while everyone in the room hollered at Wolf Blitzer announcing Obama's victory in Vermont.

I wanted to scream, too, but figured there'd be time for that later. "So if you're not into politics, what are you into? What do you enjoy?" C'mon, give me something.

"I don't know. Like, friends, family...? I like my job. Sports, definitely."

I asked him questions about his friends and family; he talked about doing live comedy as we noshed and drank away from the crowd. We exchanged personal beliefs about the importance of not being a dick to other people. I was actually starting to enjoy him. When we returned to the election, he stopped talking again, and I went back to asking him questions.

While we both gazed at the largest screen in the room, everyone was the loudest they'd been all night, and drinks were more on the floor than in the cups. He looked at his watch and said, "yo, it's ten o'clock, I think I should head out. I don't really stay out late on weeknights."

"Oh, yeah, okay. Well, have a good night." Bull-shit.

What the fuck had just happened? As I asked my friend if I should have been offended, the entire room erupted while the giant check mark landed next to "Obama." Everyone screamed and hugged; all I could think about was the fact that politics may have ruined my date.


As I drove home, I realized that we did it- we were getting four more years.

I screamed the loudest and most high-pitched noise I could've screamed, then wondered if it would be another four years before I got laid.
 


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